Friday, 10 June 2011


I reach a point and I retreat. I become antisocial, anti-I-don't-know-what; anti-something. I can't explain it. I start to hate things, like things I've created: relationships and such. I'm like a hermit crab, I retreat into my shell. I retreat into myself. If I become too fimaliar with people and if I interact with them... I can't express it... I start just hating somthing; what I'm not sure. Is it them? No. I don't know what it is, but I develop all these negative feelings. It's really sudden too.  If a person persists with interaction then they have to understand that it is going to take a while and distance for me to move past my negative feelings. I can't explain myself. Least said, soonest mended - or something like that.

I feel like the girl in Forrest Gump, I can relate to her. I know why she runs away, she has to. I feel like that, but I can't just leave like she can. I wish I could sometimes. I'm out of controll and overwhelmed and underwhelmed and just plain emotional, all at the same time. I need to get out, I need to be free and uncontained. I'm trapped here. I need to get out, I'm stuck. If someone came tomorrow and offered me a way out, I would take it. I think I would come back, I don't know how long for though. I don't know if I could stay. I'm not sure of anything, I just need to get out. I'm in a cage. I need to get out. I can't.



  1. Keep praying dear Steph. God will help you not to feel trapped. Try spend some time with Him. I am praying for you. Love you gorgeous. Thinking of you.
    *hugs* God bless

  2. Oh honey, I would take you away if I could, but I can't. If you ever need somewhere to escape to, just pick up the phone, I'll make up some excuse so you can come round. We don't even have to talk, you can just ... exist! I don't mind. Just, if you need to someone to talk to, always know I'm there for you, my darling. And if you don't want to talk, that's fine too. I hate to think of you as not knowing what to do or where to go or even what to think! Just know that, whatever you do, God will be there for you, to catch you when you fall.
    I love you, sweetie.
    A xx