So, I realise I haven’t written a blog in about two months… apologies. My only excuse is that I have been going through a really tough time lately; what with being physically, mentally and emotionally a wreck most days and all.
I guess just everything got a bit too much. Not a very uncommon thing, I know, and I have felt overwhelmed before, but this time it was (is) different than my usual ‘mini meltdowns’. I flipped. I ran crying out of church, proceeded to run away from the friend that followed, and hid behind the building for the entire service, trying to knock myself out against the wall and struggling with thoughts of suicide… I worry myself sometimes. After a while people came looking for me and I had a good long chat with our youth pastor. I can’t even remember HOW I said everything I did, but I guess it all just needed to be said and so it came out :\
We talked for agers, at least two hours. It was really good actually, I just blurted out everything that was going wrong, or had gone wrong, or I was worried would go wrong and he just listened for the most part. I don’t really think he understood why I was feeling the way I was – he came to some odd conclusions – but I think I just needed to offload and he happened to be there.
Having good days and bad days, like anyone, at the moment.
When I was at my worst, this thought was a big comfort:
God sustains our every single heartbeat. He controls everything, and knows everything, and there is nothing that he cannot handle. His strength and his grace are sufficient for us, and in our weakness we see his strength.
Praise God! Praise The Lord!
All I need is the strength for one day at a time, and The Lord takes care of that – and the rest.